I don't handle stress well. I get irritable, emotional, fidgety, break out in spots, consume my weight in chocolate, and about a million other things when I'm stressed or getting worked up. For some people, a trip to the gym helps them to release the tension and stresses of the day. For others, it's getting curled up on the sofa with a good book and a hot chocolate. Don't get me wrong, these things are great for relieving stress, but I personally like to do a few other things to perk myself up and chill myself out.
Depending on what mood I'm in, the tiniest thing can get me stressed out. A lighter not working properly, forgetting about a cup of tea that's gone cold, if the washing machine is being just a bit too loud for me to watch YouTube, I stress out.
My main zone of defence against stress is talking to my mum. I know that talking to someone may seem pretty obvious when you're feeling down or stressed, but my mum is just like my diary. She's my best friend and is always there to impart her years of wisdom onto me. I feel much better after a cup of tea and a long rant with my mum.
Something else I like to do is watch vlogs on YouTube. I find that I'm too restless to sit and watch a film or a TV show, but trawling through videos on the Internet immerses me pretty well, and I can walk around with my phone to stop myself getting fidgety. At the moment, I'm really loving Zoe Sugg's vlogs. I know that a lot of people don't like Zoe for whatever reason, but I personally think she's an inspiration - she created a brand from her bedroom, has her own beauty range, has published 4 books, and is basically just life goals. She's down to earth, and it's really interesting to see how the other half live, especially when they come from such humble beginnings. If I wanted to watch a rich person play rich, I'd watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.. which I do.. sometimes.
Another way I like to immerse myself is through watching dance videos. I get so pulled in watching amazing dance routines, everything from ballet to street dance crews. I especially love watching the Royal Family crew, and Sorority as well. Check out one of my favourite routines by Sorority below!
Something that I probably have in common with a lot of people in order to de-stress, is to run a nice hot bath, complete with a Lush bath bomb and lots of bubbles. My favourite thing to do is pull up a little table next to the bath, pop a glass of cold water and maybe a bar of chocolate (or something else yummy and nibbly), and set my phone up to either watch YouTube, or listen to music on Spotify. I always naturally find myself wanting to shave my legs and exfoliate in the bath, but I do it pretty slowly and half-assed for a long time while I'm watching videos, so it works out much better than scrambling to shave my legs quickly in the shower.
At the moment, I am loving the Imperial Leather Polynesian Spa bubble cream, it smells absolutely divine and does exactly what it says on the tin - BUBBLES! I'm currently using a mango and coconut scrub, as well as the Baija Gommage Festin Royal Body Scrub - it lathers as you scrub away, and has the most gorgeous caramelised sugar scent. It's packed with shea and honey for super smooth skin, and I just love it.
My bathroom is by no means the nicest room in the house - it looks like the kind of bathroom that you would get murdered in, but when you're surrounded by bubbles and delicious smells, it makes very little difference. One day, I hope to have enough money to buy a bathtub that simultaneously fits my knees and my tatas, but that's nothing but a pipe dream (ha).
Another great way for me to de-stress and perk myself up is to put on one of my favourite playlists, and just go nuts dancing around the kitchen. We have a very narrow, small kitchen, but it makes no difference to me. I will serenade into a wooden spoon and catwalk that shit. Never underestimate music, and always listen to music for the mood you want to be in, not the mood you are. Sometimes it's nice to belt out sad songs when you're sad, but I'd rather be smiling and happy. Wouldn't everyone?
Like I said in my introduction to this post, a simple hot chocolate and a book is a fantastic way to melt your worries away, too. I personally love Cadbury's hot chocolate, but Whittards is my go-to for something a little fancier. If you haven't tried Whittards hot chocolate before, I seriously recommend you try it.
At the moment I'm reading the Harry Potter series, and although I go through phases with reading, I do really enjoy it. I have loads of other books that I want to read, some I've bought recently, some from years ago that I still haven't had a chance to read (or just been too lazy). I can read a whole book in a day, or it might take me a few months. But it's always a good way to distract yourself.
And lastly, blogging. Although writing my blog can stress me out a little (because I'm a perfectionist), it usually entertains me for long enough that I've forgotten what I was originally stressing about. If I get writer's block, I just walk away from the laptop and do something else for 10 minutes. Once I've come back to the computer, I have a slightly different thought stream from before, so I can usually add another paragraph or two. It's so exciting seeing a preview of your finished blog post, especially one you worked hard on and really enjoyed writing. Now that I've gotten back into blogging, I think this will probably be one of my go-to things to de-stress.
And that's basically it. I try to relax as much as possible and keep myself busy and distracted. Other people may wish to write in a diary to get all their negative feelings out - it's different for everyone. How do you deal with stress? I'd love to know!
So this is basically just a post to get my blog onto Bloglovin.
If you don't have an account with Bloglovin', bloody get one. It's the best place to keep up to date with your favourite bloggers and publish your own blog too.
So I turned 20 years old in June. I'm definitely not where I wanted to be by this age, there's a lot of things that I haven't achieved that I really wanted to, due to circumstance, timing, money, or just laziness and not having the willpower to do it.
For instance, when I was 10, I never imagined I would still be overweight at 20, but here I am. I still don't exercise, I still don't eat properly, and I barely have in the past decade.
So this is my 30 by 30 post, a range of different things that I want to achieve in the next 10 years, from the generic boring adulty stuff, to the more personal. A bucket list, if you will. Like I said in my previous post, it's nice to look back at old journals and see how much you've changed, and it would be really interesting to see how many things I could tick off 10 year old me's bucket list. Before I go into my goals for the next decade, however, I just want to reflect on the things that I managed to achieve by 20 years old.
I've walked up and stood on top of a mountain (3, actually).
I've performed at the Royal Albert Hall as part of a choir (see video below).
I've set foot on foreign soil.
I achieved good grades in my subjects throughout school and college
I rekindled with an old friend that I hadn't spoken to in years
I have dyed my hair wacky colours, got a tattoo, and piercings
I have been a bridesmaid
These may not seem like conventional things that someone would be proud to achieve, but it's the little things. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid, get tattoos, get over my social anxiety and just send a message to that friend, and I managed it. I did those things, I took part, and I'm proud of myself for it.
So, without further ado, in no particular order, here are the 30 things I want to do or achieve by the time I turn 30.
1. Learn to drive.
I started learning when I turned 18, I think I did about 12-14 hours worth. I was doing well, learning pretty quickly and really enjoying it, but then I ran out of money. I got myself a job in a hotel where I was earning enough to resume my lessons, however my shifts were all over the place, I didn't know what I was working until Sunday every week, and I was too far away from the nearest instructor. Excuses excuses. I will learn how to drive within the next 2 years hopefully, having to take the bus everywhere sucks, and I feel like I have no freedom. As soon as I start earning money again (roll on starting my new job in a few weeks), lessons will be booked.
2. Lose weight
Now this is a goal that so many people have. Not necessarily to lose weight, but perhaps to gain it, to tone up, to build muscle, and it's difficult. I can't speak for those who are already generally fit and are trying to body-build for example, I wouldn't have a clue how hard that is, but losing weight, I know that's hard. It's hard to break habits of bad eating, snacking, not exercising, smoking, and it's hard to make good habits. I've tried everything, from the healthy-ish diet plans (weight watchers, slimming world, calorie counting), to the very unhealthy starving myself, binging, and making myself sick. Being that unhappy with your body is not a fun thing to have to deal with or learn to change, it's a very slow process, and one that I haven't mastered. At my heaviest, I was 20 stone 1 pound, which is fucking heavy. At that point I was pretty disgusted with myself and just lost my appetite. Not on purpose, I tried to eat, but I just wasn't hungry. I lost 5 stone eating one meal a day and doing a lot of exercise at my job. I was proud but I know that I didn't lose it in a healthy way, and soon enough the weight started coming back. I desperately want to teach myself how to eat properly and look after myself in a way that I can do for the rest of my life. I don't want to go vegan, or eat raw, or deny myself of the things I enjoy eating, I just need to learn to balance my diet. I could go on and on about my weight story but that would take up a whole blog post on it's own.
3. Get a job I love
I may have done this already. I've had quite a few jobs since leaving school/college, some of them I enjoyed to a point, some I hated. But nowhere has been enjoyable enough for me to think, 'yeah, I'm going to stick with this and work my way up'. I've worked for a lot of independent places where I wouldn't have had a career, and some bigger establishments that treated their employees like crap. I've just recently been offered a job to start in December, and I'm incredibly excited. I won't name the company here, but I've wanted to work there for a very long time, and I can definitely see a future with it. But we'll see, I've not even started yet. The aim is to find somewhere that I don't mind working, since I'll be spending the majority of my time there for the next 40-60 years (oy), and where I'm earning enough money to be happy and enjoy the things I want to in life, which brings me onto my next point...
4. Go on holiday
I've been on a few school trips abroad, to France and Poland, and a few family trips to elsewhere in the UK, but I've never been on a proper holiday. A book-it-yourself, find the hotel you like, go to the restaurants and attractions that you want to go, spend two weeks away from home, kind of holiday. There's a million and one places I want to go, some places to relax, others to learn and experience, and I'm going to go nuts if I have to stay in England all year every year. I don't think I would enjoy travelling, taking 6 months to a year away from home to travel the world. I'm way too much of a home comforts kind of girl, so I think one or two holidays every year would do me perfectly.
5. Get a dog
I have a cat, and she's beautiful, but I cannot deal with the mice. She doesn't kill them, she just brings them in to run around and chase around the house. When she was younger she brought one into my room, and I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Not cool, Kiisu. Not cool.
Growing up, we had a Springer Spaniel named Jack. He was a beaut. A very silly, excited, loving, amazing dog. I could never imagine not having another dog, they are just the best companions. (Except for when they roll around in fox shit.)
Jack, the fluffiest pooch ever
6. Move out
So I'm going to need to do this before I get a dog, but in this day and age, this is a toughie. Unless I suddenly win the lottery or inherit loads of money from a rich uncle I didn't know existed, I'm pretty sure I'll never own my own home. Which is sad, but that's life. Renting is probably my most realistic option, and I don't earn enough money to do that either right now. See (3) for solution to this problem.
I'd like to have saved enough money to move out comfortably, get the furniture and decor that I actually like, rather than only saving enough for a deposit and the first months rent, and having to sit on a box for a sofa. My surroundings really affect my mood, so until I have saved enough to splash out on some nice, long lasting furniture and appliances, I don't wanna leave home.
7. Be more social
Throughout the years, I have said no to going out more times than I can count, whether that be out to the park with friends at 12 years old, or out to a family gathering at 20. I am unsocial. I used to be pretty happy in my own company, but as I got older, my mental health became more of a problem, and I started to develop social anxiety and began to say no because I was nervous, as opposed to happy by myself. I'm much better than I was, but I still get nervous going to events where I don't know many people. I really want to try harder to force myself to be social and experience things with other people. I have some really great friends and I do not see them enough.
8. Quit smoking
This is something I want to do now, not in 10 years time. But it's much easier said than done. Smoking is a very social thing for me as my whole family smoke, but its so unhealthy, it stinks and I can't bloody afford it anyway. Apart from that, I have a ridiculous oral and hand fixation, so I always have to be eating, or smoking, or biting my nails, or doing something with my hands while I'm talking. I can't sit still, but I desperately need to find something else for my mouth and hands to do besides smoke, eat, and bite my nails.
9. Learn piano
Okay I don't expect I will master the piano by the time I'm 30, but I'd really like to get back into it again, and take it back up as a hobby. If I practise over time then I may get really good, but I enjoy playing simple tunes (little bit o' Heart and Soul) and just playing about as well. If I could just make the piano more of a staple hobby for myself, then I'll be happy.
10. Learn to dance
I love dancing. My mum and I like to plug my phone into the speaker and dance around the kitchen like crazy people, and it is such good fun. I'd love to go to actual dance lessons, or even just teach myself some fun routines from Youtube. The thing with this is I am very self conscious, so going to a class or actually trying to dance properly in front of my family is awkward as heck. My bedroom doesn't have enough room for me to do it alone, and the downstairs of my house is open plan. So I need to get over this fear of embarrassing myself and just go for it.
11. Save money
There's a lot of things that I want to save up for, like a camera, a laptop, to move out etc, but I also just want to save a bit of money to keep back in my account, like an emergency rainy day fund. Life throws a lot of problems your way and unfortunately in this day and age, money solves a lot of them. From having to find somewhere to live, to funerals and weddings, a burst pipe in your bathroom, things spring up out of the blue and more often than not, I have no way to deal with them. Of course, I haven't had to deal with paying for a burst pipe (yet), but I have had travel emergencies, not being able to get home, not being able to pay my mum rent, and I could have avoided them all if I had been smarter with my money and actually put some back.
12. Get married
I don't know if I'll be married by 30, but it's a nice thought. I think anytime past that, I'll just classify myself as the cool aunt.
Myself and my brother at my Dad's wedding, 2014
13. Go skydiving
My older brother has been skydiving and absolutely loved it. I am a complete adrenaline junkie, I would go to theme parks and jump out of planes everyday if I could, but living in Cornwall has it's limitations. Also money. That's a limitation too.
14. Go bungee jumping
Again, the adrenaline factor. It just looks so god damn fun.
15. Go Christmas shopping in London
I love watching vlogs of people in London around Christmas time. The atmosphere looks amazing, its decorated to hell and back, and there are so many markets. I am a complete Christmas bug, so being able to spend a weekend in London, go ice skating, and being able to enjoy the huge shops that we don't have in Cornwall (uh hello, we only got a Primark like 3 years ago) would be a dream come true. Unfortunately for me, I go way overboard with present buying at Christmas, so I would need a lot of spending money.
London at Christmas
(Image taken from Google Images)
16. Go Christmas Shopping in New York
See above. New York looks magical. I've always wanted to go to New York, it's probably in my top 3 places that I want to visit, and I just think it would be a complete wonderland at Christmas. Imagine Central Park covered in snow. Oh my goooooood.
New York at Christmas
(Image taken from Google Images)
17. Learn to cook
I can't cook. I mean, I can follow a recipe, but I suck at thinking of different meals to eat, making healthy meals as opposed to easy meals, and I find timing multiple things at once (a roast dinner, for example) extremely difficult. I can bake pretty well and I do enjoy it, I just need to get into the other side of the kitchen now.
18. Trap a spider
I have a huge phobia of spiders, doesn't matter how big it is. Money spider, no. Tarantula, no. Anything in between, no. When there is a spider in the house, I'll scream for someone to come and help me, and stare at it so it doesn't move, and if it does move, I'll scream some more. I've come as far as trapping a spider under a glass, but I cannot bring myself to slide a piece of paper underneath and take it outside. A bit of paper is not enough space between the spider and my hand for my liking, but if I'm ever to move out by myself, I should probably learn to deal with them.
19. Read 100 books
100 books by the time I'm 30. That's 10 books every year. For some people, this is easy as anything, but I'm the kind of person who goes through phases with reading. I love books, and constantly buy new ones, but it's very rare that I'm actually in the mood to read. I'll go maybe 2 or 3 weeks of constantly reading, to not picking a book up for 6 months. I probably own close to 100 books, so I should probably get started. I've been trying to read Harry Potter for about a year and a half now. Shame on me.
20. Buy a camera
I studied photography in college and absolutely loved it. They had a storeroom full of cameras, equipment, lights, microphones etc that you could hire out, so I used to rent a camera every weekend. Unfortunately, leaving college meant that I could no longer rent the equipment, and now I'm stuck with a shitty iPhone camera. It's okay, but nothing like a proper DSLR.
21. Start Youtube
I did one Youtube video a couple of years ago and it was really fun to make and edit, but I used the college equipment to film. Until I get a decent camera, Youtube videos are nothing but a dream for me. Watch the awful Lush haul from 2015 below! I had a bit of a lisp with those braces, mind.
22. Go to a baking class
Like I said, I love baking, but I'm by no means a professional. I'd love to go to a piping class and learn how to properly decorate cakes. I am so cack-handed with a piping bag, I may as well just splodge the icing on with a spoon.
23. Go back to college
I dropped out of college twice, at the beginning of my second year, and just before the end of my first year the second time around. I really regret dropping out of college, I've lost touch with some really amazing people, who are now all off living their lives at university. But apart from that, I don't have any worthwhile qualifications. I didn't fully complete any of my college courses. I'd love to go back and do a part time course over the space of a couple of years where I can really focus on learning, as opposed to trying to make friends. I'd love to do a course in special effects makeup, which they do at my local college, but it's just getting the time and money.
24. Get more piercings
I'm quite intrigued by nipple piercings, they look super and are supposed to make your tatas more sensitive (sign me up), but I've heard it hurts like hell. Getting my septum pierced bloody hurt, I don't know if I could deal with the nips. I'd like to get a couple more ear piercings, and a nose ring, but I might change my mind over time. I'm very indecisive when it comes to these things.
Jesus, 30 things is a lot. Does piercing my nipples count as 2 things?
25. Tat up
I have so many tattoo design ideas in notebooks, on Pinterest, and just bubbling away in my mind, but I just don't seem to book any in. I already have a sunflower on my ribcage and a panda on my foot, but I want a more. A lot more.
26. Learn sign language
Sign language is such an important thing to learn, and it would be so useful in my job. As a food and beverage assistant, I have met quite a few people who were hard of hearing, and it was so difficult to communicate with them. I just think how sad they must feel that they aren't able to just converse with people whenever they want to, and I think it would be so nice to be able to have a conversation with someone who couldn't hear me speak.
27. Drink more water
Over the years I have been terrible at drinking water, or any fluids of that matter. I would go multiple days without a drink thinking I wasn't thirsty. My skin is looking rubbish, and although I stay much more hydrated now, I still don't drink enough water. I'm a sucker for a cuppa.
28. Learn calligraphy
Calligraphy is absolutely beautiful, and I'd love to just write words all day if I could make them look that pretty. I know there's plenty of tutorials online, so there's really nothing stopping me.
29. See a panda
Pandas are by far my favourite animal ever. They're adorable and so stupid and lazy, and I'd love to play with them and get to give them a cuddle. I'm so jealous of China.
30. Go to Disneyland
I have never been to Disneyland, Florida. I went to the one in Paris with school, but we only got to spend one day there, and I would much rather go on a family holiday. My brothers and I grew up watching Disney films, and we're all big fans, so it would be like a little dream come true to be able to go with my family.
So there we have it, my personal 30 by 30. What would you like to achieve by your next 'milestone' age? Leave a comment, I'd love to know!
I haven't touched this blog in two years.
TWO. BLOODY. YEARS.
I have no idea what I want to do with this blog, where I want it to go, what I want to write about, or even how to get back into it. But this is my attempt, sat at my mums laptop with a cup of tea, a stream of vlogmas playing (it's never too early to get into the Christmas spirit), and a head full of no ideas. Well, a few ideas.
At the end of the day, if nobody decided to read my blog, I won't mind. There are so many interesting personalities on the Internet now, it's incredibly hard to stand out. Major kudos to those that are managing to get to where they want in terms of their blog, Youtube channel, website, app development etc. It's so hard, and I wouldn't even know where to start, I can barely keep up with the amount of people that I follow, let alone try to be one of those people. If it comes naturally over time, then bargain, but that's not my aim here.
This is, quite simply, my corner of the Internet. Somewhere for me to voice my opinion, have a rant, get my creative side out, and maybe even make some friends along the way.
I constantly trawl through Pinterest and Tumblr, looking at the masterposts of interesting questions - '15 questions you never thought to ask', 'getting to know you' questions, questions about your favourite books, food, TV shows. There are so many prompts for just going off on one in your head, having a conversation with yourself in your mind, daydreaming up the answers for these things, and far too often do I end up in my own little world, thinking interesting things and never going back to them.
This blog is somewhere for me to have that conversation with myself, to put my thoughts onto paper (so to speak). I think having somewhere for you to be able to revisit your thoughts is really important, whether that be journaling, blogging, vlogging, photo diaries, whatever. It's nice to be able to see your growth, look back on how you felt this time last year, what you were doing, who you were with, and just see how much has changed.
That's also why I decided to pick up where I left off with this blog, rather than start a whole new one. Two years is one hell of a jump between posts, but it's interesting to see how much has changed since then.
I've not achieved an overly large amount in that time, but I think I'm happy with where I'm at now. I live at home with a very supportive family, have a wonderful relationship with my partner, bounced from job to job but finally found something I think I'm going to like, and things seem to generally be going okay.
I mean, there's been a whole lot of bad stuff too. Getting bullied at my old job, being unemployed, having to move house, a few other things I won't voice here, but all in all I've grown in the past couple years, and that's what it's all about. The good makes me who I am, just as much as the bad.
So this is just a post to say hey, and to kick off the restart of my blog.
I'll admit, this is going to be difficult for me. Apart from the technical difficulty of having slow Internet and an old laptop, I'm going to find it hard not to be embarrassed of my blog. I think that was probably why I stopped in the first place. I don't live an overly busy life, as much as I would like to, and my mental health gets in the way sometimes. I'm a huge perfectionist, so I'll edit and re-edit a post a million times before I'm ready to post, but it's a learning curve.
Now I'm back with a fresh mindset and a desperate need to do something creative, and I'm really excited to get going. I have a few ideas for blog posts, especially for December, but I think I may just have a mishmash of random unrelated posts to start me off and get me going. Expect a lot of tags and posts of me rambling before I find my blogging feet again.
