I have struggled with my weight for about 13 years (since I was 4). I got bullied and called names, my own stepmother said I had a "fat ass". My parents constantly said "I wish you would lose weight" and, although I realise now that they were concerned about my health rather than the way I looked, it really affected my confidence. Boys in the year above me used to call me 'Eighty Stone' (my name is Katie Stone for those of you who don't know), and by this time I brushed the name calling off like it was nothing, but it has still stuck with me four years down the line. I have tried Weight Watchers, and failed, tried nothing and just complained, and then tried Slimming World. I lost 2 stone and was starting to become really happy with myself, although I was no where near my goal body. I then put it all back on, and then some, and now I'm completely miserable with the way I look, and it's time to make a change for good.
An awful lot of people struggle with self esteem and body issues, and the media doesn't help with that in anyway. Models are photoshopped and celebrities go on crash diets and get all sorts of cosmetic surgery. I know that practically every image you see of a celebrity or a model has been manipulated, so it's easier for me to ignore them, but it's people that I see in real life who have amazing bodies and gorgeous hair and really lovely makeup that knock my confidence even more. These people probably struggle with themselves too, and people may see me and think "I wish I had her bla bla bla" but I am just not happy with myself. Some things are easy to change, like the colour of my hair, the way I do my makeup, my clothes etc, but my body is another matter. I need to lose an awful lot of weight to become "healthy", but honestly, it's more about the size for me. I dropped 2 dress sizes before, and now none of my clothes fit me properly because I put all the weight back on again. Ideally, I'd like to lose 4-5 dress sizes, and have a flat stomach. For some of you, this may sounds completely impossible and you may be thinking that I should just try and accept myself, but people have lost more weight than I want to, and achieved flat stomachs after being severely overweight too. I will too.
I am not healthy. I am not happy. I want to be able to go into a shop and choose whatever item of clothing I want without feeling stupid. I want to be able to wear nice underwear and not feel like my body is ruining it completely. I want to be able to wear dresses without my thighs chaffing and I want to accept myself. Everyone could see a major difference when I had lost weight. I was becoming extremely happy and proud of myself, and I just looked brighter.
Today I woke up and had chocolate for breakfast. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who goes running and eats gloriously healthy meals, while still treating myself to some cake if I want it. Don't get me wrong, I don't glorify anorexia or binging or starving yourself or eating disorders or anything like that. If you're happy with your body, no matter what it looks like, and you're healthy, then that is all that matters. I just need to have a flat stomach to be happy with myself.
I'm not doing this so I can get attention from boys, I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me the way I am, and I'm not doing this for my family, because they love me and think I'm beautiful too. I'm not doing it for the masses of people that bullied me over my weight (although it will be nice to rub it in their faces), I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it because I want to wear tight clothes and I want to be healthy and be able to go running and enjoy my food without feeling guilty.
I want to start taking Slimming World seriously, and start eating healthily. I need to eat less chocolate and sweets, especially since I have braces and I'm not meant to be eating sugary foods at all. I want to join a gym, or some sort of Zumba style class, which my friend wants to do with me, and I want to become the best possible me. I started today by creating an inspiration board on my bedroom door, filled with motivational quotes and images of people who have lost weight and have my 'goal body'. I'm going to start using my Plant Nanny app religiously, starting right now, and I'm going to follow my Slimming World plan as closely as possible.
The point of this post is pretty much to have written documentation of my goals and for me to refer back to each week. I want to write a new post each week, which will show how my week has gone and if I have lost any weight. If you guys want to get healthy with me, feel free to leave comments or message me on Twitter (here) and I'll be happy to share the journey with you.
Sorry if this post was a little downhearted or not what you were expecting, but I really need to do this for me. Thinking I can do it is good, but won't keep me going. If it's on my blog, I'll be reminded of what I want to achieve everyday.
See you soon!
Katie xo
